My search for something more

About Detours and Shortcuts

It’s safe to say that my curiosity has taken me down a fair share of winding paths in life. Exploring and observing everything around me has always been my thing. Sadly though, this search for something else didn’t always come from a positive curiosity, but from a desperate need to get away and an insufferable restlessness. I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin and couldn’t find my ”real life”. I didn’t know where I was going or what I wanted, but I knew that I was somehow missing out. The grass always seemed greener on the other side and I just couldn’t get there. I blamed my parents for holding me back and I was stuck in negative thought patterns and limiting beliefs that I had dragged around since my early teens. I felt confined by expectations and I saw road blocks everywhere I looked.

After working hard for decades, the stress and unhappiness of my situation had become too much. I didn’t know why I was doing what I was doing, why I was living where I was living, what direction I was heading or how I would find the time to figure all of it out. My brain was foggy and I felt out of balance. I knew I wanted a change, but I simply didn’t have the clarity to see what it was. I was so unsure about everything, even the smallest decision seemed impossible to make. Life was just rushing by and I wasn’t in the driver’s seat.

At that point, I had spent most of my professional life in one way or another guiding others to find their paths and careers, but I realized that I was still just drifting around in my own life. The only thing that had given me some temporary comfort previously was to create changes around me. I had moved to and lived in a handful of countries, spent months and months traveling, started and ended relationships, changed and rearranged the apartments I lived in and tried countless jobs and work assignments. But now, I just didn’t have the energy to run away again.

Looking at it from the outside, I had absolutely no reason to complain about my life. And don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t all bad on the inside either. I had certainly picked up a lot of positive experiences and ideas along the way. I had long periods of time when I felt relaxed about both my location, my work and my relationships. But in the end, that nagging feeling would always come back. That sense that there must be something more out there for me.

I’m not quite sure what pushed me over the edge, but when I hit my forties, I knew that all of this had to stop. I could no longer accept that my life was limited by the beliefs I had in my own head (yes, I had finally figured out that it was all in my head!). I refused to let fears control my life and make my decisions for me, I didn’t want to travel or move anymore just to get away from my life. I wanted to be calm and confident. I wanted to be brave, to feel fulfilled and to live with purpose and intention. I wanted to feel strong, both mentally and physically. And most importantly, I wanted to be happy.

So I took off on a different kind of journey. This was an adventure that was all about inner exploration, personal growth, building mental strength and finding balance and clarity. This was a walk along the path to happiness. I am still going down this road. Just like with all my other trips, I don’t want it to ever end. But back then, I wanted to escape my life and myself. Now, my journey is my life.

And it’s the best trip ever.

With courage and curiosity,

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